Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
