At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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