Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
