i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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