DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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