What a fucking waste of an outfit
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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