Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
