so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
