When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
