I just threw up on my dentist
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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