bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
