I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
