Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
