This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
