Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
