Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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