woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
