So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
