The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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