Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
