You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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