I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
