you guys were way drunker than both of me
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Terrible idea I love it
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
