I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
