He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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