Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
