I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Boobs speak an international language.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
