i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
