Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
