there's paper in my vomit.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
