Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Come share oat with me in your robe
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