wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
And then he peed in my hair
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
