I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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