Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
