Do you still have your period?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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