my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
