Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
