The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
