Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
