I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
True but thats because hes a fetus.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
