in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
