I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
