Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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