whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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