we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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