please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
