you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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