I'm gonna have a badass scar
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
