I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
