Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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