omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
